The Mountain

it doesn't look like much but you need all 4s and then some to scale it

Interview WTFs

Okay so i'll admit it, i've always had issues with job interviews.. something about the other person trying to prove how smart he is and some sort of performance anxiety on my part... but every once in a while you come across a class act who's memory you will always cherish. You'll even tell your kids about him. Don't you wish that sometimes you could say out loud what you're really thinking? Just for kicks?

2010 - Sezmi Corp.

• COO: If you were stranded on a desert island, could you make a computer with whatever you had available?
• Me: No. If you gave me 2 months to spare while living in civilization, a manual and all the parts, it's possible.
• My Head: If i was stranded on a desert island, building a computer would be the last of my worries. Which planet do you come from?
• COO: Well... i only asked because i can! Well, what can you do? Can you write a compiler?
• Me: You mean off the top of my head?
• COO: Yes
• Me: No.
• My Head: Wasn't this position for a JAVA engineer? Why don't you ask me something that would be relevant to what i would be doing everyday? I don't do 'tricks', you're wasting my time and being an asshole! Maybe if i stare at my watch long enough...
• COO: *after a minute or so of waiting* You know... we're looking for people with a lot of wide areas of expertise...
• Me: Like building computers on a desert island?
• My Head: Here's an idea, why don't you just put what you're looking for in the job description? That way i wouldn't have had to dodge work, drive all the way over here, wear a tie that suffocates me or dress pants that ride up my ass. Seriously man.. WTF!?!

        [Interview Over]

       In retrospect, i could have just gotten away with 'An Abacus is considered to be an early type of computer right? If i knew how it worked, i could probably throw a few twigs and pebbles together to make you happy'. 

2010 - Salesforce.com

• Interviewer: *picks up resume* So are you a Hindu Chaudhry or a Muslim Chaudhry?
• Me: Does it matter?
• Interviewer: Oh never mind... let's move on...
• My Head: WTF!?! Seriously? Is this your first interview? What planet are you from?

2002 - Some software house in Askari Villas, Cavalry , Lahore

... 30 minutes into a fairly disastrous interview; 3 minutes to company lunch time ...

• Interviewer: *looking at watch* Do you read Cosmopolitan?
• Me: *shocked..What plant am i on again? oh, Pakistan.. that's right! okay just nod and smile*
• My Head: He obviously thinks you're a dumb rich kid from LUMS; he's probably bored since he has no work to do and isn't very good at it either; doesn't look like he's learned or done anything new in years. I may not be at the top of my game yet, but he just looks like he's falling down a cliff. Okay play dumb and see where this goes...
• Interviewer: acha to aap ko kabhi piyar hoya hai?
• Me: *must resist... nod and smile*
• Interviewer: When you were at LUMS, did you do all your assignments yourself?
• Me: *getting up to leave* I think this interview is over
• Interviewer: Mind na karain... har kisi ka apna apna interview style hota hai...
• Me: Enjoy your lunch break uncle.
• My head: I hope you choke on it asshole!
• My Head: *as i walk to the car* I hope to God I'm not him in 15 years... that would really suck!

Something tells me that this isn't over quite yet... I'm going to be adding more amusing anecdotes to this post in the future.

An Obsolete Idea?

When i think about religion (any religion), i immediately become uncomfortable with the idea. I come from a conservative Islamic society where to question any of the scripture or established 'truths' means that you are questioning God himself. It also leads to charges of blasphemy that create a whole other set of problems for people with unsatisfied curiosity or those who just disagree with a particular distortion in that religion.

From whatever I've seen in my own life, read about past generations, cultures and civilizations, i have come to the following simpleton conclusions:

• Whatever man cannot explain due to a lack of an accumulated body of knowledge, he ascribes to a supernatural being (God). As time passes, that body of knowledge grows and is sometimes able to explain these occurrences. He then tries to reconcile those religious ideas with the new findings but it creates an even bigger mess than what we were dealing with earlier. We just can't seem to let go.

• Man uses religion as a convenience when thinking about the unknown or about stressful situations.

• Man seems to have created a theology in which he is the highest form of God's creation and other life forms should bend to his will. I see mankind as an evolutionary marvel albeit a parasite on Earth at the same time. If we think about how we have enslaved other life forms for our own use and amusement, continuously changed the environment to fulfill our immediate desires, it makes me think that mankind follows the distinctive features of a virus which spreads because of its resilience to natural stressors. Again, i cannot fathom a divine scripture that allows the needless enslavement of other life forms. The "take as much as you need and leave the rest" philosophy that the animal kingdom follows doesn't seem to apply to man which makes me believe that mankind has corrupted a sense of balance that nature strives to maintain.

• Countless bloody wars have been fought in the name of religion where the true issue was power, resources, respect or vengeance. To this day these wars continue because "god wills it". A religion that allows the idea of war in my eyes cannot be divine unless God is amused by the destruction of innocent life which He is not in my mind. War is the manifestation of the desires of groups of humans not some divine decree.

• Religion has been used as a form of social control for as long as we can trace human life. It has also been used to create a sense of kinship and a bond between people. I have problems with such type of control exerted in the name of a divine being but serving the privileged few instead. For example, any religion that puts one gender above another is completely distorted and perverted from it's true message. This is a classic case of social control on our part. There is absolutely no divinity in unfairness.

• The intolerance to other people's beliefs ascribed by the many interpretations of a particular religion and the people practicing it make me believe that if ever there was a pure religion, it has now been corrupted beyond repair and hence rendered obsolete. If my neighbor likes to plant daisies in his garden whereas i like to plant tulips, does this mean he is wrong and i am right? Should i shed his blood and destroy his garden because he likes or believes something different? How do his daises affect me?  What have we done with 'free will'? I think religion is the personification of a person's inner beliefs, upbringing and preferences and that these should remain personal. My relationship with God is very personal to me; one in which i will tolerate no outside interference.

I don't want to follow a particular ideology just because i am expected to or because i was raised in a particular environment. I want to come to terms with what makes sense to me and what doesn't. Blind faith is something i cannot come to terms with - so preachers... no one's home, and reciters...

لا شيء وقيان مطلق بالكولون ممكن

(Laa shay'a waqui'n moutlaq bale kouloun moumkine)

"Where other men blindly follow the truth; remember, nothing is true.

 Where other men are limited by morality or law;  remember, everything is permitted.

We work in the dark, to serve the light..."

-- Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad --

fork ( );

"If i could carry a tune,
 i would sing for a living,
 And if i could write,
 i would sing of depths within those words,
 But since i can do neither, i write code for a living,
 with the hope that someday the depth of those words
 will create something truly beautiful."

[Unclustered]

Standing On The Shoulder Of Giants

This is not light reading.

You step into your own life as you grow older and more independent. You take the reigns and own the life you have been watching for so long. While you're doing this, your parents are aging and are going from being the star of their own lives to actors in the lives of their children. As you become independent; they become dependent on you. Such is the way of the world.

Sometimes i wake up in the morning and feel confused. I ask myself why i am living a life so far away from my family? I feel a loss of purpose. I feel like i am wasting precious time that i could spend with my parents while they are still happy and active. I justify the distance by saying that i am laying the foundations of a good life for myself, my wife and my children. Is that true? At what cost? There are people back home doing exactly this with fewer opportunities available to them. My parents made a good life for themselves and their children back home so why can't i? I say it out loud every chance i get but will i really go home to be with and support my family when they need me? People tend to be skeptical. Am i deceiving myself? Have i gotten too used to the easy life here? I'm not very certain about most things in life but i know that i cannot stand on the sidelines. I know this to be true because that's how i was raised, these were our values, and that is where our hearts were... with our families.

Aging is just a natural part of life therefore i don't find it to be particularly sad. Yes, it is sad that we can no longer do all those things we could when we were younger but now we can do a lot of other things that we were not able to before. Some of it comes with knowledge, some with experience... each part of life is unique and should be lived for its novelty. Then why does watching your parents age make you sad? It's because you don't want to see them in pain and you don't want to lose them. Watching them deal with aging can be very hard but their passing we actually mourn for more selfish reasons... because we don't have access to them anymore.. its more of a loss to the living than to those who have passed away - hopefully with a good life behind them. These thoughts are heart wrenching to face but if you muster  up the courage to address them for your parents, won't they feel more at ease?

 جس دن تم ہمیں بوڑھا کمزور دیکھو اور بےزار دیکھو تو تم صبر کرنا اور ہمیں سمھجنے کی کوشش کرنا

For all the understanding and support, for all the aches you tried to take away, and for all the frustrations i put you through, this i promise to you that i will take my time with you as you did for me, i will listen to your reasoning and try to understand you. I might become frustrated at times but i will try and hide it from you lest you misunderstand my meaning and feel yourself a burden. While i'm trying to understand you, please try to understand me. We can work at this together.

جب ہم کھانا کھاتے ہوے گندگی کریں اور اپنے کپڑے بھی نہ بدل سکیں تو پلیز تم برداشت کرنا اور وہ وقت یاد کرنا جب ہم نے تمھیں کھلانے پلانے اور کپڑے بدلوانے میں کتنا وقتلگایا 

I remember that you sacrificed your own comfort and luxury to take care of us. I remember that you worked all day and ran after us all evening. We ate well, dressed well, were entertained well, were educated well.As parents, you have earned our loyalty and respect.

جب ہم تم سے بات کریں اور ایک بات کو بار بار دہرائیں تو ہماری بات نہ کاٹنا - ہمیں سننا. جب تم چھوٹے تھے تو ہمیں ایک ہی کھانی ہزارایک دفعہ سناتے تھے جب تک کہ تمھیں نیند نہ آجاتی

For all your patience, you too will have mine. You can repeat yourself as often as you like, i will lend you my ear lest you feel alone and unappreciated. Your sacrifices have also earned you that right. 

جب ہم نہانا نا چاہیں تو ہمیں شرمندہ نہ کرنا نہ ڈانٹنا، یاد کرنا جب ہم تمھارے ہزاروں بھانوں کے باوجود تمھارے پیچھے پڑے رہتے تھے کہ کسی طرھ تم نہلو

Your children will keep you clean and well groomed. They will keep you dressed with the same class and grace that you exhibited all through out my life. Don't worry, i won't dress you in pink Bermuda shorts for the first day of school and i will never pick you up and drop you in the cold shower when you refuse to bathe. Those will just remain as fond memories from the life we shared together. They give my life character and i will cherish them. Rest assured that we will not force our opinions on you in the same way you never forced anything on us. You made some mistakes and we learned from them. You let us make many more mistakes and we learned from them too. You taught us to think independently and make decisions about our lives from an early age. We will return this kindness and foresight that has shaped us into the people we are today - strong, independent, empathetic people.

جب ہم انٹرنیٹ کی نئی ٹیکنا لو جی کو نہ سمحج سکیں تو ہمیں ہمارے طریقے سے ایس کو سکھانے میی مدد دینا، ہم نے تمھیں بھت ساری چیزیں سکھائیں... صہی طر یقہ سے کھانا، طر یقہ سے کپڑے پہنا اور اپنے حق کے لیےلڑنا

You taught us what to value in life, you taught us how to read and write, you taught us how to stand up for our rights and you taught us how to discern right from wrong in a rational manner. When you asked us to teach you how to use email and the internet, we were impatient and dismissive. We were young and rash but since then we have grown older and wiser and understand that we need to help you understand new things in ways that are easier for you. I know that no electronic device in our home ever functioned to capacity so i will make sure that everything runs smoothly. I owe you many hours of tech support.

جب کبھی کبھی ہماری یاداشت کھو جائے یا بات چیت کامضمون بھول جائیں تو ہمیں یاد کرنے کے لیے مناسب وقت دینا اور ہم نہ کر سکیں تو گھبرانا نھیں، اصل چیز بات چیت نھیں بلکہ  ہم تمھارے ساتھ وقت گزرنا چاہتےہیں اور یہ بھی چاہتے ہیں کہ تم ہماری باتیںسنو

You can take all the time in the world. We will wait for you to remember. We understand that spending time together is the real purpose and not idle chit chat. It is but a means to an end.

اگر کبھی ہمارا کھانےکو دل نہ چاہے تو ہم سے زبردستی نہ کرنا ہم زیادہ بھتر جانتے ہیں کہ کب کھانا ہے اور کب نھیں، جب ہمارے تھکے ہوہے پاؤں ساتھ چھوڑ دیں اور ہم لاٹھی کے بغیر چل نہ سکیں تو ہمیں اپنے ھاتوں سے تھام لینا، جسطرح تم جب اپنے پھلےپھلے کمزور قدم اٹھانے کی کوشش کرتے تھے تو ہم تمھیں تھام لیتےتھے 

Just like you knew better when we were younger, you have to accept that we might insist that you eat not because we know better than you, but because you need to keep your strength up. Don't worry, we wont force feed you but we will try to insist if necessary. You must understand us too and accept if we are trying to help you for the right reasons. When you wobble, we will support you with dignity, when you collapse, we will catch you and help you heal, when you need our strength, we will bear it all.

اور جب کسی دن ہم کھیں کہ ہم اور زندہ رہنا نھیں چاتے ہم مرنا چاتے ہیں تو غصہ نہ ہونا ایک دن تم بھی یہ بات سمھج جاؤ گے ہماری ہمت بڑھانا ہماری امر زندہ رہنے کی نھیں ہے ہم تو بس بقایا زندگی گزار رہیںہیں 

Death is something that frightens us because it is irreversible but i don't think death is always sad. We are disturbed by it because we lose the people we love. The emotions we experience when a loved one passes are more selfish than anything else. It is a sad thought that my loved ones are no longer here. I can no longer touch them, talk to them or just soak in their presence. If you say that you don't want to live anymore, my first reaction could be anger but the anger is not directed at you, its actually a realization that i am headed for a very big loss. When you feel spent and defeated, i will shoulder your burden and help you muster your courage. If you are bed ridden and suffering, you will still need to convince me that its okay to stop fighting for you and to accept that i can let you go. It is not in my nature to give up without a fight... i will fight for you with everything i am until you tell me that you are ready. It takes a lot of courage to fight and we all do it, but it takes even more courage to understand your parent's wishes and accept the reasoning behind them. You have to tell me when you are ready... please don't leave the decision up to me. I cant see you suffer but i can also not readily accept losing you for myself. I can not be left to wonder if there was something more to be done or said... life after this thought is too difficult. I have seen it.  And if i were to pass before your time, i would have you take comfort in the thought that i leave behind a rich life. I have lived on my own terms so far and if my family is taken care of after i leave, i would pass happy with the love, life and experience i have already known.

اور جب کسی دن تمھیں پتا چلے کہ ہماری غلطیوں کے باوجود... ہم ہمیشہ تمھارا اچھا ہی چاتے تھے اور ہم کوشش کرتے تھے کہ تمھارے لیے صحیح راستہ اختیار کریں، تم بھی ہمیں اپنے ساتھ رکہ کر اداس، ناراض اور شرمندہ نہ ہونا، سمھجنے کی کوشش کرنا اور ہماری مدد کرنا جسطرح ہم نے کی جب تم نوجوانتھے  

The things you have done for your children, the sacrifices you have made, and the love and support you have shown us has earned you the highest place in our lives. Our love and desire to take care of you as you did for us will help us always keep you close to our hearts and in our minds. We will be by your side every step of the way. Although i have been absent from your side for a long time now, believe that my thoughts always lead to you. This i promise that you will know the ferocity of my love and loyalty and then be afraid no more.

Oaths you have taken...

"Now is the hour...
 Oaths you have taken, now fulfill them all, 
 to lord and land."

[LOTR]

Blind servants of faith

"If everyone agrees that we are weak, lowly, foolish, and despised, this is the first step in understanding that we are sinners. Knowing that we are sinners helps us realize that we need His grace."

[Joseph Lee - Christian E-mail Ministry]

On being foolish: Yes, humans are foolish... we hate and burn others at the stake for things that we don't understand or do not want to understand. When time reveals that we were ignorant, only then do we believe but give no apology or compensation to those we have wronged for the sake of safeguarding our ignorance.

On being lowly: Admitting to your limitations and the supremacy of God, nature and the laws of the universe serves to keep us humble (as it should) but how humble are we in reality? As a race, we are not very humble at all. I believe in respecting one's fellow humans and the environment that sustains us. You cannot respect these things till you learn to respect yourself and others around you. And I'm not referring to the kind of respect that vanishes when asked why one approach / religion is better than other. At this time, we display a sense of arrogance and self-righteousness. Therefore we are not lowly. We are actually very full of ourselves, our cultures, our heritage, our blah blah blah.

On being despised: I believe that the world does despise humans. If the Earth or the creatures that live here could talk, we would come to realize how despised we really are. We multiply and deplete the Earth's resources, force free animals in slavery, treat them and the Earth harshly and as our personal property. We go out when we please leaving our pets in cages or trapped within 4 walls so we don't lose ownership of them. All creatures are meant to be free... humans should look onto themselves and realize that we have evolved into the deadliest virus the Earth has ever known.

On being sinners: We are not born as sinners. We are born with a clean slate. It is up to us how we spend our lives... as sinners or as good human beings. The idea of labeling an innocent new born as a sinner is repulsive to me. Surely you would not label an infant a sinner? We do not inherit the sins of our fathers or our nation, we only choose to acquire them.

A chemical reaction

Whats about the female form is so attractive? Why is there beauty no matter what the format? is it ingrained? or is it a chemical reaction? is it the skin? the hair gently caressing the shoulders? is it just crossed legs or the poise with which they are crossed? what about each individual imperfection is so alluring? is it because it makes them real? why does a buggy o/s turn a woman into just a gender? what about their intelligence and support make you content? why does the most minimal of slights to them generate the will to fight? why would you give up everything for them? what about honoring a woman makes you a stronger man? why are you incomplete without your 'one'? is it our body's way of telling us we skipped dinner?

An elephant never forgets

1978 - 1998 You know, I hate not having you around... I needed more time... I needed to show you... So much was left unsaid... I thought the void would heal... Do i cry for you or for myself? I'm truly ashamed... Forgive me dear friend for i am incapable of forgiving myself and because of that, i seldom forgive others. "Wo,  Aansoon bhari aankhon mey ghoomay, Din raat, tu baarishon meh bheegta tha mere saath, Aanganon me jo saaye jawan thae, Dhoop mai wo bhichartay kahaan thay" [Neend Aati Nahin - Junoon]