Pilgrimage

Trapped within decades of endless grief,
Relentless nostalgia renders mourning incomplete,
Beings of tar, souls of clay,
Horror compounded within,
Always restrained and never astray.

The promised ones disillusioned,
By words of conceit,
Shattered by their blood,
They stand alone deceived.

In my hollow empathy,
Their solace was once sought,
Now i lay cast aside,
Drowning in my own thoughts,
How can a world be just?
When there exists no scale?
To measure the pain of the afflicted,
And the extent of their dismay.

Would i have been blood,
I would not have this retreat,
Chiseled into my chest and bound to my feet,
Its weight i can feel
Drawing me into an endless sleep,
Would i rather wander there
Or plunge into my abyss of insanity?
To these voices i pay no heed,
For my savior be a mother's womb,
For whom i now seek peace.

Stretch out your hand and pull me afar,
From this quicksand of turmoil,
Springing from my scars,
I don't want to leave yet,
And abandon you again,
But if i must,
Will you promise to hide from me your pain?
For no matter how strong i be within,
i still have no will,
To go on about my appointed ways,
And leave behind your suffering.

Pray for me while i prepare myself to sleep,
Bleed again oh bearer, one last time,
For yours is an existence
Destined to be complete.

[Cluster III]

What I Am

I am the world's disowned brainchild,
What need have i to be accepted?
I am society's fool,
Living on my own highs, oblivious to its rules.

I am society's outcast,
A rebel, an outlaw,
It isn't my fucked up mind,
But society's that contains the flaw.

[Cluster III]

Dismal Gloss

Phantom eyes define this state,
Intrigued by illusions and concepts of hate,
Come pry into my world and see the desolate insides,
Come closer to my vortex of deceit and denial,
I pray you see whatever it is i seek,
Slaughter my innocence or just share my peace,
Bathe me in blood or enslave me in clay,
Turn to stone watching my misery take shape,
Come frolic in my wretched Salem of sins,
Let the hourglass drain your very life from within,
Become what i have, a shadow to my kin,
Feel what i've felt, pray let the torment begin!

Whats the harm in assuming my thoughts or my place?
Be a jester to your lord, living amongst a condemned race,
Become a pawn in this counsel of death,
Drown your sorrows in hollow words at best,
Darken your eyes while you lay in wait,
Lurk in denial while accepting your fate,
You need only to live at fault,
To know your pain for which you've fought,
Constant dilemmas of this chaotic dismay,
Is it really worth it to live this way?

[Cluster III]

Embrace

Oh Lord, i ask off you,
As one of your creation,
As one of your servants,
To be merciful upon my brother's soul,
And to forgive his sins and bless his deeds,
To vanquish his wrongs and his distraction of heed,
That your servants are to pay as their praise of thee,
For their blessed lives and holy creation,
From the earth and back again.

I ask off you to give me strength,
To carry on in a life so barren,
To forget him not but neither to dwell,
In the memories we shared and their corrupted spell.

I ask of you to give me strength,
To fight for truth and defend my kin,
From the taunters at large,
Let loose on the world and shaped as sin.

So let evil be conquered,
And your justice be merciful,
Amen.

[Cluster III]

The Apocalypse within

The seclusion, the lies,
The panic i have been denied,
Nurtures my need to live in spite,
Coughing up hate for my fellow mortal flesh,
From a kaleidoscope of emotions, 
I choose yet another mess,
Living in a simmer with demons breaking free,
The surface cracking under pressure from those 
taunting screams.


Only in my mind does my misery take form,
Transparent to others who stand here unwarned,
The hour of fading of the humor in my eyes,
Shall release those foes and expose where my fury lies,
Condemn myself i not while fools condemn me,
What lies in wait are their weightless pleas,
So frolic now while i still be insane,
For when i regain my senses,
Shall start the hour of your pain.


[Cluster III]

Disbelief In Self

A twisted mind fostering hate,
Lashing at innocence, self proclaimed writer of fate,
Slave to my migraines, bursting with fear,
State of turmoil, confinement near,
Wretched gargoyles that only i see clear,
Disciples of Loki stealing my air.

Self contained, secluded and weak,
Agonizing mental chains just beyond reach,
Confused by words about what i seek,
Slaughtered by misconceptions,
Is this really me?

[Cluster III]

Beings Of Tar

Broke even into the cult of tar,
Corrupted insides and bleeding scars,
Finding solace in a vortex of smoke,
Vanishing resistance but breeding hope.

Sages speak ill of compulsion,
Hypocritical contempt for this malicious corruption,
Pay no heed to these lair's talk,
Its an unnecessary necessity for the path you walk.

God feeds my addiction with the plenty of this world,
While man guilt's me to starvation,
With his falsely divine words.

[Cluster III]

Liars Of My World

A silent shriek breaking smiles,
Contempt for order in a society so vile,
Psychotic chains bound to the mind,
Freedom corrupted by the superficial kind.

Theirs is a plague darker than black,
Laws in the lies, fiction in their facts,
Breeding on vanity, springing from fear,
Of what the other liars deem to declare.

[Cluster III]

Genocidal dementia

The illusions of time, fading within time itself,
Handed down by innocence in shades of contemporary guilt.
Surpassed emotions never quite suppressed,
Tortured beings trapped within vessels of a charm professed,
Consumed alive by the beasts as alien as the heavens.

Prose-writing, bullshitting, life-wasting misery extraordinaire,
Salacious raising of immaculate pincers,
Destroying peace with smile-edge scissors.

All the deeds of a sadistic grin,
Prodigy of a mentally vile polluting skin,
Self-distress within, contagious and grotesque,
Causing pluvial quarters and an apocalyptic mess.

Confused aphrodisiacs, Amish descent,
Selfish intentions for which they continuously repent,
Hours of softness, years of unrest,
Myself added to the scroll work, wonder who's up next?

[Cluster III]

The Pest Within

Companion of trust, slave to blood,
Glass jar humanity prone to be corrupt,
Swallowing my being within an unquenchable abyss,
Devouring my hate within a submissive gaze.

Aware of fear, pain and death,
Suicidal streaks, my vices of Seth,
Hollow insides with the chaos at hand,
Nexus power machine, lord of an alien homeland.

Destruction of its master by martyring itself,
No fault of its own, its all in my head.

[Cluster III]

Concluding Sorrow

Lord, forgive us for we have sinned,
Alas, forgiveness is fifty yards too late.              

[Cluster II]

Early Signs Of Grief

The wounds still fresh, the pain still strong,
Beneath the ground, with you, is where I belong.

You’re numbered years, still vivid and so few,
My only refuge is the memories of you.

We all still hurt but try to move on,
Still we stray to your tomb, from dusk till dawn.

I call upon you, at all unearthly hours,
No hour too great, for a brotherhood like ours.

I plea for you to invade my dreams,
To tell me that which I never knew,
But you hear me not, for I have sinned,
Affections aside… I understand!

Yearn as I may,
I cannot redeem your wrongs,
For what you sow, so shall you reap,
Alas, I can but only pray the lord your soul to keep.

[Cluster II]

Tribute To A Memory

Beyond death do us part,
Beneath the soil do we meet,
Leaving friends and foes to pray,
For the lord our souls to keep.

I find strength in the purpose,
For which the lord created me,
Your loved ones my own,
Your soul at peace.

You left me estranged, alone and weak,
A treeline of memories,
An adolescence without sleep.

I cry no more for the tears have dried,
The hurt remains beside my soaring pride,
Remember you I will, live forever you shall,
Your legacy my will, my life a shell.

Together alive, in death do we meet,
This brotherhood of ours, forever ocean deep.

[Cluster II]

Perceptions Of Leave

A fortnight before, a tale was told,
Three lives divided, their serenity no more.         

That night the gift was taken,
The radiance recalled,
His youth was scattered,
Then darkness befalls.

Tired and consumed,
He returned to his lord,
To keep watch over sin,
Without his brother's accord.

The scars of faith,
The worth of words,
The wrath of time,
Their fear foretold.

[Cluster II]

An elephant never forgets

1978 - 1998 You know, I hate not having you around... I needed more time... I needed to show you... So much was left unsaid... I thought the void would heal... Do i cry for you or for myself? I'm truly ashamed... Forgive me dear friend for i am incapable of forgiving myself and because of that, i seldom forgive others. "Wo,  Aansoon bhari aankhon mey ghoomay, Din raat, tu baarishon meh bheegta tha mere saath, Aanganon me jo saaye jawan thae, Dhoop mai wo bhichartay kahaan thay" [Neend Aati Nahin - Junoon]

Fade To Dust

Not a word, not a sigh,
Not even a goodbye,
You left these shores with dust in your eyes,
Now that dust settles to fate.

I need not your worries, I need not your aches,
My life secluded, my sanity at stake.

Without a word, the barren days pass by,
My will grows stronger and those days fade to distant memories.

Never again shall I fall to such demons,
The demons of horror,
Which one-day shall fear me as if I was,
Fear itself.

[Cluster II]

Contorting A Shrine

The anger left inside,
The rage yet unfulfilled,
Till such time as bearable,
And never later.

To live in fear of such disillusions,                              
To guard at all times against the unknown deceit,
So i may have been created but I can never be owned,
And what little is left,
Now rests tattered and torn.

[Cluster II]

Essence Of Solitude

How shall you redeem yourself?
For the moment of restitution has long since passed,
For which one of my sins is a price so great?
Is it my disbelief or my thoughts nourished by hate?

With every sin I feel my pride tear,
From the very seams that all but me once held dear,
How I worship my sanity’s remains,
Melting to ashes again and again.

Then from these ashes emerges my fate,
Like a Phoenix resurrected in toxic waters of hate,
Life drains from my body and leaves me estranged,
Then do I ridicule my lord for His efforts in vain.

My torment, my pain,
My misery remain,
Let bygones be bygones,
And life be death.

[Cluster II]

Jilted Voice Of Rage

From the realm of the demons,
The evil inside my head,
Decree upon me to kneel at thy very best,
To repress thy faith, to denounce thy world,
To subdue thy soul and enter their stronghold.

I then perish into the mist of wrongs,
That the twilight casts forever long,
During its reign over mortals until dawn prevails,
And washes the silence away.

Then let there be life, yet again,
Joy to the tormented, as the world to a child,
Born innocent but left to die.

[Cluster II]

Opening Words Of Sorrow

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,
Stricken with pain, desire and lust,            
Torn apart from the ones he loved,
Gone too soon… never to return,
May his soul rest in peace.

[Cluster II]