The Voices Within...

Worry not my good friend,
The water fades out through all eyes,
Burn, yearn and then burn again your desire to thrive,
Resting in the shallow waters of a land revived,
All hope is lost and all fears have gone,
The pain subsides and the wrath child mourns.

Splinters of this shattered mirror,
Float on the shores of a lifeless waste,
We have come so far behind these far reaching walls,
With darkened eyes and painfully swallowed aches.

What is this i hear?
You still ache to swim through your isolationist holes?

Then halt!
Scale up your protective walls,
And seal this intrusion up tight,
Then sink back to the cold fungus floor,
Dawn again your shackles and own again your control,
Escape is futile, and desire pointless,
Child, where else can you escape to?

On this beach shall isolation keep you warm,
Its fire breeding a simple poisoned grace,
Sneak past the shallow richness of the world,
Breathe out the wonder of the constellations you trace.
For out here in the perimeter there are no stars,
Out here you will only find yourself.

[Cluster VI]

Apocalypse Seizures

Feverish fears alight in 'dawn's new gaze',
What is to become of
this revolution we contemplate?
The drugs in our systems that free our thoughts,
Give us meaning and expose our faults.

The shackles we live in,
Our acceptance of preordained fate,
Not by God but by a mortal's affairs of state,
Is that all we live for?
To walk in pre-established files?
Is one's life so worthless
and this resistance a crime?

I want the 'richness'
written in all its overwhelming forms,
To live within the true realm of God
outside our apartheid norm.
The asylums we were promised,
voided by the demons we mourn,
Flaw in humanity's evolution,
the cliches carved on our tombstones.

To the sunshine child who thrives in this world,
Won't you taste my darkness
and make its optimism known?
There is far more to this side
than your kinfolk can see,
A vast ocean of spirituality
that makes me what i be.

So look within dear sunshine child,
And appreciate the pure God given truths,
Understand yourself, find your peace,
So that one day soon you may
pledge your remains to the truce.

[Cluster VI]

Wars Of Chastity

*
Ode to none but God alone,
Past tense of misery, my brother i mourn,
The scars i keep concealed from harm,
Will drive me straight towards my lord's outstretched arms.

- 10/01/2001

*
The future brings what only God may bring,
Turn to Him and weigh your offerings,
Freedom of thought and purity of soul,
These are the words that were always foretold,
The Ace of Spades is solely God's domain,
Science and religion, the king buried deep within,
Fingerprints of spirituality into which all life fades,
While we take out place as the Jack and Queen of Spades.

- 09/21/2001

*

The scars of faith have been washed away,
The worth of words has a new fall from grace,
The wrath of time has drained me 'still',
The wounds remain but the demon's grace fulfilled.

- 10/03/2001

*
Shine through the words you long to say,
Expel from your heart the non-believer's dismay,
They mean you no harm,
They just don't see,
What you are or what you long to be.

- 10/02/2001

[Cluster VI]

End Notes

Blinded by your fears you trample upon life,
Softly playing God with free unmoldable minds,
You harbor your thoughts
while you detain others who do the same,
What shallow spirituality
did you think we were living in?

Former words discounted and abandoned as a malady,
Another soft crunch on my desired spirituality,
I repeat myself
so strangers may see what you should have seen,
You destroyed a life to live out your stubborn fantasies.

How many lives will you ruin
with the softness of your touch?
How much chaos will you bring
to the next unsuspecting one?
I wish i could warn the world
against the vices of your kind,
But still i have this absence of hate holding me behind.

How many minds will you infect with your disease?
How many souls out there will you reduce to slavery?

[Cluster VI]

Dunpeal

Mighty Dhampir, lonely Dunpeal,
   Hunter of hunters, guardian of prey,
Solitary wanderer, his purpose to slay,
   His immortal lineage leading mortals astray.

To those he guards he reveals not himself,
   To those he hunts, their harbinger of death,
One-half human, the other half ghost,
   An immortal noble's nightmare, a symbiotic host.

What they ignorantly fear is his concealed identity,
   Left handed suppression their one genetic concern,
What they cannot touch they turn to demons,
   Shadowless reflection, sun-stroked and burned.

Under the guise of normality he lurks
   with his true form concealed,
Blood lust rider in the darkest of nights,
   this disgraced half-ling Dunpeal,
For sentenced is he by their dogmatic beliefs
   to the shape of their most common flaws,
For christened was he in a church legendary
   and cursed by existence and his dark cause.

"Roam our wastelands", they call to him,
   So both our tribes may see,
An unholy alliance, a prisoner of war,
   Wandering half-ling, mighty Dhampir you be.

This unwilling soldier of two warring creeds,
   His mere existence for both tribes surreal,
A future of neither kith nor kin,
   Mighty Dhampir or lonely Dunpeal?

[Cluster VI]

Dormant Lies The Killer

One-fourth of the dusk
   plagued by two-faced dispositions,
Two-fourths of a year
   spent behind this shallow despair,
How then shall you wander free
   without freedom within your reach?
Roaming the wastelands in iron shackles,
   with the aneurysms finally complete.

Long before these turbulent times,
   he consented to be content,
Long after his righteous crimes
   is revealed his truly psychotic intent,
That was before the cerebral throbbing
   while he still had sight of peace,
Before these countless errors occurred,
   rendering the saccharine asleep.

When his freedom is challenged he awakes again
   the demons that keep him safe,
When the seizures visit he revokes again
   his pleasantly concealed state,
To give birth again to the myths he tells,
   mocked by those without faith,
The slumber disturbed to bring forth again Judas,
   with yet another decided fate.

For dormant lies the rage he conceals
   so perfect in its revenge,
Tempered alive with ritualistic anger
   and provoked by his defeat,
For dormant lies the killer in him
   raging to be free,
Annoyed is the killer in him
   by these ill-fated 'abortions of bigotry'.

So rush now slowly to the execution
   and taste the flesh of what he be,
Dead again lies the peacekeeper,
   his purpose he sits down to weep,
So come forward you cannibalistic demon
   and fulfill your prophecy,
Burst into his fears, feed upon his pain,
   and cradle him to sleep...

[Cluster VI]

Evil You In Evil Me

Originally 'The Evil In you' by Ugly Raven.

You are the reason for my lunacy,
I am the devil you helped to create,
I was brought up with your sarcasm as your intended toilet,
Constantly fed with your arrogance and your shit.

I longed for a perfect life,
But my family was torn apart,
My revenge against all those in your image,
Be my blood by convention but let me be the flaw in your divine art.

You never let my piper believe in me,
I made myself what i am today,
A strong, numb and senseless being,
A beast with a mortal soul's desired meaning.

You can't kill me even if you tried,
For i am already dead,
If you knew what lies beneath my crooked gaze,
You'd choke on your turmoil for setting free the demon in me.

The clock will tick as always and my time will soon come,
My wrath shall be felt by your egocentric creed,
And recorded as the apocalypse.

[Cluster VI]

Rendition To Hate

Originally 'You wanna hate me' by Ugly Raven

It took me a lifetime to know you,
I trusted you with my soul,
You changed your ways within a fraction of a second,
Like the damned Lucifer on a blasphemous roll.

The world has blinded you from yourself,
You forget your past dawning a new tomorrow,
Now you shiver because you desire to hate me,
Because you think that you're content,
I know now why you want to hate me,
Isn't it for your sins that you wish to repent?

You believe in the lies you are told,
They comfort you and you withdraw from the truth,
Perhaps one day you will see the error of your ways again,
Because for now you still want to hate me,
Because i bring you closer to your true existence,
For i know now why you want to hate me,
And take comfort in the thought,
That i hate you too.

[Cluster VI]

Away From All Pretense

I had me three drops of blood,
Away from all pretense,
I had me strength, security and honor,
Away from all pretense,
I had me trust, respect and loyalty,
Away from all pretense,
It all shattered in a moment's time,
And now i drown in this wretched pretense.

I had me brothers in arms,
Away from all pretense,
I shared with them chasms of blood,
Away from all pretense,
One of us valued his life so little,
And now we rust away separately,
Buried deep into this world's pretense.

We've had to learn this new pretense,
From our pride washed away clean,
Thus now dwelling within the pretense of pretense,
Hoping i could once again be,
Away from this infernal pretense.

[Cluster VI]

Narcotic Aphasia

Walking away from dawn with a barren soul at hand,
A fixation on the face and a disease within that shallow man,
Passing one stranger after another with hypocrisy on their lips,
Misguided anger and confusion breeding on his finger-tips.

With each abuse he sets his mind free,
With each breath he questions what he might not be,
With each flick he concentrates his halting time,
On the life ploughed around him,
By the past and present of his future crimes.

The nausea infected Prozac soothing him within,
Nourishing his thoughts and penetrating his skin,
This lyre seeps out
as a revolt against his polluted convictions,
This thought provoking hallucinogen
places him within his own horrid execution.

To write under the influence of these intoxicated words,
To analyze his being as fatal and disturbed,
To suffocate out from his mind these intoxicated pleas,
Is for him not to be sober to know what i really be.

[Cluster V]

Still 550 deeds to awe

You probably won't get the context if you haven't played Quest For Glory V ;)

81 seasons and 15 moons* before,
A sin was created to live for a few seasons more,
That year of the serpent pried loose Iblis from his shackles,
A child born off a woman pure, into the form of a jackal.

He bears the mark of the fallen one,
Addicted to addictions against the Holy one,
He who bears the mark of the broken cross,
Is condemned to father the offspring of Lucifer and the wrath of God.

Be it his fear that keeps him tormented in twilight,
Or be it his plight that keeps him only half-pure,
A traitor to his personally concocted darkness,
Uttering an orison of his own proudly fictitious shores.

This fallen one condemns himself,
To a contradiction of his foul words,
This precious sinner recollects himself,
As more than a dark soldier with a misery ridden soul.

This fallen one corrects himself,
When he urges in spirit to defy God's rite,
This silver-tongued thief dawns again himself,
For he is more than only these incomplete words.

* 20 years, 3 months and 15 days

[Cluster V]

Hole

Sometimes i think when I'm all alone, 
What's for real and what's for sale,
The reality i seek, the defense it holds,
It's insignificant passing and it's trivial role.

To cushion my fall to harsh reality,
To buffer the shock of my after taste,
To keep me suffocating and away from harm's reach,
Look for me there, stay a while and share in my peace.

Yes, we can both share my hollow little hole,
Six-feet underground, away from society's
air-thinning cauterizing code,
If i could shift my weight and let you breathe again,
Would it have meaning in your isolated world?

On a plain field of burrows,
There be plenty of such little holes,
Each made by someone for someone else
as the cliche goes,
So what else have i laid in claim for you?
Other than a peace in the desolate, hollow ground,
My cliche for you through my words
which be so falsely profound.

So would you give in to the idea of me?
And look past my concealed imperfections
for a lifetime or more,
So would you still reveal yourself to me?
After you've seen through my eyes at the
true reflection i hold?
After all this would you still want to stare
at the demon in me?
Or would you just clench your fist to shatter all that
you can and cannot see?

But if i still be your strength to foster,
will you pick up the pieces after you've emerged?
Or will you turn to walk away bare-footed?
To another one of those hollow little holes...

[Cluster V]

What breaks me inside

Why do we talk with cryptic words? Wander aimlessly around a thought absurd, Far from isolation we have no retreat, One stretching time, the other chiseling it incomplete. Although inside i feel myself break for you, I cannot thrive on your confusion alone, There is a restraint on time and my strength itself, Worn down thin by the seclusion I've felt. In my mind, i don't think we belong, In my mind, i don't think we ever did, In my mind, we were fooled by what we believed in, In my mind, i know its already too late. I feel torn apart    while my eyes are drenched in this fate, Now that i know    we cant escape from this unscathed. [Cluster V]

Muriel

Blocked Inspirations

*
Injured highs of a holy creation,
Martyred worth of misconceived origins,
The fears you believe in, your one dimensional fall,
Can only be as true as the writing on your walls.

*
I be content with the imperfection that you see,
In yourself is the reason for my soul's desired lunacy,
That is my nature which i ask off you to accept,
With no questions asked but just the belief in yourself.

*
Watch minor acquaintances turn to foes,
Watch the demons let loose on thy soul,
Watch out...

[Cluster V]

My peace to myself

The warz of my ideologies,
Contradicted by paradigms of creation,
Argued human nature or just lame excuses?
Questions like these sold on the streets,
For nickles, dimes, spare change but nothing concrete.

How can you prove me wrong?
When you're just as lost as i am,
What makes you the one to dictate?
What my mind should believe as pure or fake,
Don't you stare out through your own conceptions?
Believe in your own lies and indulge in your deceptions?
So what makes you higher than me?
Is it your narcissism or your forefathers' vanity?

Why cant you just learn to live with my ways?
Disappear from my world and take away your dismay,
All I've ever asked of you is to let me be,
Mildly put, 'Fuck off' and set my singed mind free.

[Cluster V]

Little Intrusions

I was interrupted while writing this so i left it incomplete.

Slouching next to absolute completion,
With muffled words that deny their creation,
The doubt of your own worth hollows me within,
Deepens my void and clouds my reasoning...

[Cluster V]

Beneathe my silence

Manipulated words from the lord of deceit,
Eradicated composure through which i conceive,
The paralysis of my being, the silence of my screams,
A paradoxical son of a bitch spawning within me.

Stranded at the crossroads of my own lunacy,
With each fork prophesying some form of misery,
Nemesis to contentment, advocate to change,
I've grown weary and my life's worth drained.

Someone claimed my being and never turned to see,
The seizures i was left with harvested within me,
I loathe myself for raising this demon within,
Reducing something so pure to a wicked conspiracy.

If i could break in and show you myself,
My mind at ease, my soul at rest,
Would you turn away and decide to move on?
But would you first free me and embrace my scorn?

[Cluster V]

Venom

The fault in our reason,
The conformity within our treason,
Decibles of hate deafening our senses,
Crucified individuality, living on a wretched consensus.

We think not with our minds of clay,
Born to follow what our leaders say,
Forked tongues in twisted mouths,
For change, we have nothing but time.

Borrowed words that expose the faults,
Of a wasteland claimed by human drought,
The narcissim of our race reigning supereme,
Nauseous aversion to purity infecting our dreams.

Why was i born as a pawn in this creed?
Surrounded by deciet, self-destruction and greed,
Could i have not been born as a rock?
Stonned to numbness by these artifical faults.

[Cluster V]

Remotely Crucified

Fragments of us (Samui, Thailand. 3:30 Am)

Midnight pain spent upon electric chairs,
The temple I’ve built from our infant stares,
Wading in the pool of my own thoughts,
Scrutinizing details of battles to come
that I’ve already fought,

The questions in my head which I’ve tended to,
The vortex of possibilities that I’ve given in to,
Has suspended my equilibrium within the hours so few,
As sure as I am, I still lay here confused,
All that remains of my certainty is that I remain lost for you,
I can hold back no more for I am human after all,
No more of my webs,
I surrender.

The hue of my emotions, shades of a deep coral blue,
The strength they bear carved out of my memories of you,
Why I let myself break? This much I know,
It’s the madness within the both of us.

For you, I must learn to wait,
For you, I must learn how not to hate,
The world around me, submerged in its superficial glare,
Fuel to my anger, my cage, my fear.

I speak of a fool’s dreams while you speak of timid retreat,
I stretch out my hand while you dwell in my defeat,
Your concern for my sanity amongst my most precious of highs,
My sole idea of perfection, to be lost in your eyes,
Lost again…

Your breaths of madness, for my illness a remedy,
What more can I say? You somehow do complete me,
I draw blood from the that chasms we share,
I bleed to death just wishing you were here

[Cluster IV]

Dark Words

Constantly trying to shred the layers,
Of a superficially human social scare,
Locked in words of a two-faced descent,
The miasma of profanity, deception and contempt.

A politically correct apartheid norm,
Deviation from the oath that was sworn,
Concepts of equality that we humans mourn,
Without my hate, you would have no form.

You slave your will to this ideology without much reason,
You take up fool’s arms to join the devil’s legions,
You breathe in the lies and expose your mind to treason,
Look for me there amongst your ranks,
Sharpening my sword preparing for these silly seasons.

[Cluster IV]