This is not light reading.
You step into your own life as you grow older and more independent. You take the reigns and own the life you have been watching for so long. While you're doing this, your parents are aging and are going from being the star of their own lives to actors in the lives of their children. As you become independent; they become dependent on you. Such is the way of the world.
Sometimes i wake up in the morning and feel confused. I ask myself why i am living a life so far away from my family? I feel a loss of purpose. I feel like i am wasting precious time that i could spend with my parents while they are still happy and active. I justify the distance by saying that i am laying the foundations of a good life for myself, my wife and my children. Is that true? At what cost? There are people back home doing exactly this with fewer opportunities available to them. My parents made a good life for themselves and their children back home so why can't i? I say it out loud every chance i get but will i really go home to be with and support my family when they need me? People tend to be skeptical. Am i deceiving myself? Have i gotten too used to the easy life here? I'm not very certain about most things in life but i know that i cannot stand on the sidelines. I know this to be true because that's how i was raised, these were our values, and that is where our hearts were... with our families.
Aging is just a natural part of life therefore i don't find it to be particularly sad. Yes, it is sad that we can no longer do all those things we could when we were younger but now we can do a lot of other things that we were not able to before. Some of it comes with knowledge, some with experience... each part of life is unique and should be lived for its novelty. Then why does watching your parents age make you sad? It's because you don't want to see them in pain and you don't want to lose them. Watching them deal with aging can be very hard but their passing we actually mourn for more selfish reasons... because we don't have access to them anymore.. its more of a loss to the living than to those who have passed away - hopefully with a good life behind them. These thoughts are heart wrenching to face but if you muster up the courage to address them for your parents, won't they feel more at ease?
جس دن تم ہمیں بوڑھا کمزور دیکھو اور بےزار دیکھو تو تم صبر کرنا اور ہمیں سمھجنے کی کوشش کرنا
For all the understanding and support, for all the aches you tried to take away, and for all the frustrations i put you through, this i promise to you that i will take my time with you as you did for me, i will listen to your reasoning and try to understand you. I might become frustrated at times but i will try and hide it from you lest you misunderstand my meaning and feel yourself a burden. While i'm trying to understand you, please try to understand me. We can work at this together.
جب ہم کھانا کھاتے ہوے گندگی کریں اور اپنے کپڑے بھی نہ بدل سکیں تو پلیز تم برداشت کرنا اور وہ وقت یاد کرنا جب ہم نے تمھیں کھلانے پلانے اور کپڑے بدلوانے میں کتنا وقتلگایا
I remember that you sacrificed your own comfort and luxury to take care of us. I remember that you worked all day and ran after us all evening. We ate well, dressed well, were entertained well, were educated well.As parents, you have earned our loyalty and respect.
جب ہم تم سے بات کریں اور ایک بات کو بار بار دہرائیں تو ہماری بات نہ کاٹنا - ہمیں سننا. جب تم چھوٹے تھے تو ہمیں ایک ہی کھانی ہزارایک دفعہ سناتے تھے جب تک کہ تمھیں نیند نہ آجاتی
For all your patience, you too will have mine. You can repeat yourself as often as you like, i will lend you my ear lest you feel alone and unappreciated. Your sacrifices have also earned you that right.
جب ہم نہانا نا چاہیں تو ہمیں شرمندہ نہ کرنا نہ ڈانٹنا، یاد کرنا جب ہم تمھارے ہزاروں بھانوں کے باوجود تمھارے پیچھے پڑے رہتے تھے کہ کسی طرھ تم نہلو
Your children will keep you clean and well groomed. They will keep you dressed with the same class and grace that you exhibited all through out my life. Don't worry, i won't dress you in pink Bermuda shorts for the first day of school and i will never pick you up and drop you in the cold shower when you refuse to bathe. Those will just remain as fond memories from the life we shared together. They give my life character and i will cherish them. Rest assured that we will not force our opinions on you in the same way you never forced anything on us. You made some mistakes and we learned from them. You let us make many more mistakes and we learned from them too. You taught us to think independently and make decisions about our lives from an early age. We will return this kindness and foresight that has shaped us into the people we are today - strong, independent, empathetic people.
جب ہم انٹرنیٹ کی نئی ٹیکنا لو جی کو نہ سمحج سکیں تو ہمیں ہمارے طریقے سے ایس کو سکھانے میی مدد دینا، ہم نے تمھیں بھت ساری چیزیں سکھائیں... صہی طر یقہ سے کھانا، طر یقہ سے کپڑے پہنا اور اپنے حق کے لیےلڑنا
You taught us what to value in life, you taught us how to read and write, you taught us how to stand up for our rights and you taught us how to discern right from wrong in a rational manner. When you asked us to teach you how to use email and the internet, we were impatient and dismissive. We were young and rash but since then we have grown older and wiser and understand that we need to help you understand new things in ways that are easier for you. I know that no electronic device in our home ever functioned to capacity so i will make sure that everything runs smoothly. I owe you many hours of tech support.
جب کبھی کبھی ہماری یاداشت کھو جائے یا بات چیت کامضمون بھول جائیں تو ہمیں یاد کرنے کے لیے مناسب وقت دینا اور ہم نہ کر سکیں تو گھبرانا نھیں، اصل چیز بات چیت نھیں بلکہ ہم تمھارے ساتھ وقت گزرنا چاہتےہیں اور یہ بھی چاہتے ہیں کہ تم ہماری باتیںسنو
You can take all the time in the world. We will wait for you to remember. We understand that spending time together is the real purpose and not idle chit chat. It is but a means to an end.
اگر کبھی ہمارا کھانےکو دل نہ چاہے تو ہم سے زبردستی نہ کرنا ہم زیادہ بھتر جانتے ہیں کہ کب کھانا ہے اور کب نھیں، جب ہمارے تھکے ہوہے پاؤں ساتھ چھوڑ دیں اور ہم لاٹھی کے بغیر چل نہ سکیں تو ہمیں اپنے ھاتوں سے تھام لینا، جسطرح تم جب اپنے پھلےپھلے کمزور قدم اٹھانے کی کوشش کرتے تھے تو ہم تمھیں تھام لیتےتھے
Just like you knew better when we were younger, you have to accept that we might insist that you eat not because we know better than you, but because you need to keep your strength up. Don't worry, we wont force feed you but we will try to insist if necessary. You must understand us too and accept if we are trying to help you for the right reasons. When you wobble, we will support you with dignity, when you collapse, we will catch you and help you heal, when you need our strength, we will bear it all.
اور جب کسی دن ہم کھیں کہ ہم اور زندہ رہنا نھیں چاتے ہم مرنا چاتے ہیں تو غصہ نہ ہونا ایک دن تم بھی یہ بات سمھج جاؤ گے ہماری ہمت بڑھانا ہماری امر زندہ رہنے کی نھیں ہے ہم تو بس بقایا زندگی گزار رہیںہیں
Death is something that frightens us because it is irreversible but i don't think death is always sad. We are disturbed by it because we lose the people we love. The emotions we experience when a loved one passes are more selfish than anything else. It is a sad thought that my loved ones are no longer here. I can no longer touch them, talk to them or just soak in their presence. If you say that you don't want to live anymore, my first reaction could be anger but the anger is not directed at you, its actually a realization that i am headed for a very big loss. When you feel spent and defeated, i will shoulder your burden and help you muster your courage. If you are bed ridden and suffering, you will still need to convince me that its okay to stop fighting for you and to accept that i can let you go. It is not in my nature to give up without a fight... i will fight for you with everything i am until you tell me that you are ready. It takes a lot of courage to fight and we all do it, but it takes even more courage to understand your parent's wishes and accept the reasoning behind them. You have to tell me when you are ready... please don't leave the decision up to me. I cant see you suffer but i can also not readily accept losing you for myself. I can not be left to wonder if there was something more to be done or said... life after this thought is too difficult. I have seen it. And if i were to pass before your time, i would have you take comfort in the thought that i leave behind a rich life. I have lived on my own terms so far and if my family is taken care of after i leave, i would pass happy with the love, life and experience i have already known.
اور جب کسی دن تمھیں پتا چلے کہ ہماری غلطیوں کے باوجود... ہم ہمیشہ تمھارا اچھا ہی چاتے تھے اور ہم کوشش کرتے تھے کہ تمھارے لیے صحیح راستہ اختیار کریں، تم بھی ہمیں اپنے ساتھ رکہ کر اداس، ناراض اور شرمندہ نہ ہونا، سمھجنے کی کوشش کرنا اور ہماری مدد کرنا جسطرح ہم نے کی جب تم نوجوانتھے
The things you have done for your children, the sacrifices you have made, and the love and support you have shown us has earned you the highest place in our lives. Our love and desire to take care of you as you did for us will help us always keep you close to our hearts and in our minds. We will be by your side every step of the way. Although i have been absent from your side for a long time now, believe that my thoughts always lead to you. This i promise that you will know the ferocity of my love and loyalty and then be afraid no more.
