Narcotic Aphasia

Walking away from dawn with a barren soul at hand,
A fixation on the face and a disease within that shallow man,
Passing one stranger after another with hypocrisy on their lips,
Misguided anger and confusion breeding on his finger-tips.

With each abuse he sets his mind free,
With each breath he questions what he might not be,
With each flick he concentrates his halting time,
On the life ploughed around him,
By the past and present of his future crimes.

The nausea infected Prozac soothing him within,
Nourishing his thoughts and penetrating his skin,
This lyre seeps out
as a revolt against his polluted convictions,
This thought provoking hallucinogen
places him within his own horrid execution.

To write under the influence of these intoxicated words,
To analyze his being as fatal and disturbed,
To suffocate out from his mind these intoxicated pleas,
Is for him not to be sober to know what i really be.

[Cluster V]

Still 550 deeds to awe

You probably won't get the context if you haven't played Quest For Glory V ;)

81 seasons and 15 moons* before,
A sin was created to live for a few seasons more,
That year of the serpent pried loose Iblis from his shackles,
A child born off a woman pure, into the form of a jackal.

He bears the mark of the fallen one,
Addicted to addictions against the Holy one,
He who bears the mark of the broken cross,
Is condemned to father the offspring of Lucifer and the wrath of God.

Be it his fear that keeps him tormented in twilight,
Or be it his plight that keeps him only half-pure,
A traitor to his personally concocted darkness,
Uttering an orison of his own proudly fictitious shores.

This fallen one condemns himself,
To a contradiction of his foul words,
This precious sinner recollects himself,
As more than a dark soldier with a misery ridden soul.

This fallen one corrects himself,
When he urges in spirit to defy God's rite,
This silver-tongued thief dawns again himself,
For he is more than only these incomplete words.

* 20 years, 3 months and 15 days

[Cluster V]

Hole

Sometimes i think when I'm all alone, 
What's for real and what's for sale,
The reality i seek, the defense it holds,
It's insignificant passing and it's trivial role.

To cushion my fall to harsh reality,
To buffer the shock of my after taste,
To keep me suffocating and away from harm's reach,
Look for me there, stay a while and share in my peace.

Yes, we can both share my hollow little hole,
Six-feet underground, away from society's
air-thinning cauterizing code,
If i could shift my weight and let you breathe again,
Would it have meaning in your isolated world?

On a plain field of burrows,
There be plenty of such little holes,
Each made by someone for someone else
as the cliche goes,
So what else have i laid in claim for you?
Other than a peace in the desolate, hollow ground,
My cliche for you through my words
which be so falsely profound.

So would you give in to the idea of me?
And look past my concealed imperfections
for a lifetime or more,
So would you still reveal yourself to me?
After you've seen through my eyes at the
true reflection i hold?
After all this would you still want to stare
at the demon in me?
Or would you just clench your fist to shatter all that
you can and cannot see?

But if i still be your strength to foster,
will you pick up the pieces after you've emerged?
Or will you turn to walk away bare-footed?
To another one of those hollow little holes...

[Cluster V]

What breaks me inside

Why do we talk with cryptic words? Wander aimlessly around a thought absurd, Far from isolation we have no retreat, One stretching time, the other chiseling it incomplete. Although inside i feel myself break for you, I cannot thrive on your confusion alone, There is a restraint on time and my strength itself, Worn down thin by the seclusion I've felt. In my mind, i don't think we belong, In my mind, i don't think we ever did, In my mind, we were fooled by what we believed in, In my mind, i know its already too late. I feel torn apart    while my eyes are drenched in this fate, Now that i know    we cant escape from this unscathed. [Cluster V]

Muriel

Blocked Inspirations

*
Injured highs of a holy creation,
Martyred worth of misconceived origins,
The fears you believe in, your one dimensional fall,
Can only be as true as the writing on your walls.

*
I be content with the imperfection that you see,
In yourself is the reason for my soul's desired lunacy,
That is my nature which i ask off you to accept,
With no questions asked but just the belief in yourself.

*
Watch minor acquaintances turn to foes,
Watch the demons let loose on thy soul,
Watch out...

[Cluster V]

My peace to myself

The warz of my ideologies,
Contradicted by paradigms of creation,
Argued human nature or just lame excuses?
Questions like these sold on the streets,
For nickles, dimes, spare change but nothing concrete.

How can you prove me wrong?
When you're just as lost as i am,
What makes you the one to dictate?
What my mind should believe as pure or fake,
Don't you stare out through your own conceptions?
Believe in your own lies and indulge in your deceptions?
So what makes you higher than me?
Is it your narcissism or your forefathers' vanity?

Why cant you just learn to live with my ways?
Disappear from my world and take away your dismay,
All I've ever asked of you is to let me be,
Mildly put, 'Fuck off' and set my singed mind free.

[Cluster V]

Little Intrusions

I was interrupted while writing this so i left it incomplete.

Slouching next to absolute completion,
With muffled words that deny their creation,
The doubt of your own worth hollows me within,
Deepens my void and clouds my reasoning...

[Cluster V]

Beneathe my silence

Manipulated words from the lord of deceit,
Eradicated composure through which i conceive,
The paralysis of my being, the silence of my screams,
A paradoxical son of a bitch spawning within me.

Stranded at the crossroads of my own lunacy,
With each fork prophesying some form of misery,
Nemesis to contentment, advocate to change,
I've grown weary and my life's worth drained.

Someone claimed my being and never turned to see,
The seizures i was left with harvested within me,
I loathe myself for raising this demon within,
Reducing something so pure to a wicked conspiracy.

If i could break in and show you myself,
My mind at ease, my soul at rest,
Would you turn away and decide to move on?
But would you first free me and embrace my scorn?

[Cluster V]

Venom

The fault in our reason,
The conformity within our treason,
Decibles of hate deafening our senses,
Crucified individuality, living on a wretched consensus.

We think not with our minds of clay,
Born to follow what our leaders say,
Forked tongues in twisted mouths,
For change, we have nothing but time.

Borrowed words that expose the faults,
Of a wasteland claimed by human drought,
The narcissim of our race reigning supereme,
Nauseous aversion to purity infecting our dreams.

Why was i born as a pawn in this creed?
Surrounded by deciet, self-destruction and greed,
Could i have not been born as a rock?
Stonned to numbness by these artifical faults.

[Cluster V]

Remotely Crucified

Fragments of us (Samui, Thailand. 3:30 Am)

Midnight pain spent upon electric chairs,
The temple I’ve built from our infant stares,
Wading in the pool of my own thoughts,
Scrutinizing details of battles to come
that I’ve already fought,

The questions in my head which I’ve tended to,
The vortex of possibilities that I’ve given in to,
Has suspended my equilibrium within the hours so few,
As sure as I am, I still lay here confused,
All that remains of my certainty is that I remain lost for you,
I can hold back no more for I am human after all,
No more of my webs,
I surrender.

The hue of my emotions, shades of a deep coral blue,
The strength they bear carved out of my memories of you,
Why I let myself break? This much I know,
It’s the madness within the both of us.

For you, I must learn to wait,
For you, I must learn how not to hate,
The world around me, submerged in its superficial glare,
Fuel to my anger, my cage, my fear.

I speak of a fool’s dreams while you speak of timid retreat,
I stretch out my hand while you dwell in my defeat,
Your concern for my sanity amongst my most precious of highs,
My sole idea of perfection, to be lost in your eyes,
Lost again…

Your breaths of madness, for my illness a remedy,
What more can I say? You somehow do complete me,
I draw blood from the that chasms we share,
I bleed to death just wishing you were here

[Cluster IV]

Dark Words

Constantly trying to shred the layers,
Of a superficially human social scare,
Locked in words of a two-faced descent,
The miasma of profanity, deception and contempt.

A politically correct apartheid norm,
Deviation from the oath that was sworn,
Concepts of equality that we humans mourn,
Without my hate, you would have no form.

You slave your will to this ideology without much reason,
You take up fool’s arms to join the devil’s legions,
You breathe in the lies and expose your mind to treason,
Look for me there amongst your ranks,
Sharpening my sword preparing for these silly seasons.

[Cluster IV]

Pandora's Vanity

Falling into warned against illusions,
With preconceived desires and mind crippling confusion,
Factors of time projected upon eons,
Rationality subdued by residues of hope.

Each new conception distorts my field of vision,
Images of reality give way to figments of my imagination,
Fragrances trespass on cruelly built shrines,
Chiseling at the stones, exposing weak-hearted crimes.

The knowledge of wretched impossibility saturating my blood,
The sickness in my mind and the plague of my touch,
Nourishes our distance and our vision’s fading,
So come lay siege to our perpetual waiting.

The apparition of us, a menace in revolt,
To the gods of our vanity, a self-proclaimed higher force,
The knots in our paths, a hatchet in their pride,
One of us without their equilibrium, this much they confide,
In their whisperings that set their own minds at ease,
Give them a rush unlike that of their insecurities.

The infection in their thoughts become our furor of sorts,
Will we stand our ground or lose to the perils that I’ve fought?

[Cluster IV]

Scorn

Quench your thirst with the poison in my hate,
Feed upon my pain, my mayhem bound fate,
Cure your mental paralysis, cast aside your skin,
Resurrected into the shadows
from where God’s mercy begins.

Glare at the conspiracy deep with your people’s truth,
The sins of your martyrs, the hypocrite’s concealed abuse,
Shed away your limits, nomenclature of mortal restrain,
Fallacies about purity of the naked wasteland we’ve slain.

Satisfy your fears with the poison in my smile,
Bury your desires before you drink from this vial,
Lest I return as the disease in your head,
Preying upon your peace till each torment is fed.

Kiss open my wounds and tear my scars apart,
A gateway to your reflection,
the thorn within your ailing heart,
The best of your soldiers have no more than holy retreat,
Left with a void of narcissism and the shuffling
of your kind’s feet.

“Proclaim thy vanity, cleanse away thy sins,
 Abandon thy ailing humanity 
 and conceive the offerings herein...”,

The salvage in my vision, a soothsayer’s warning heed,
Worthless is existence and the shame brought by your
infernal creed,
Let the complications fail and our true natures talk,
Free your vermin kind and bathe in it's after shock.

[Cluster IV]

Contemptuous Desire

Do you think of me with your crooked smile?
With your jaded vision and your senile mind?
Do I appear in your tasteless thoughts?
Wander alone in your breath of doubts?
Am I the stranger with the thorn?
Buried deep within this infant born,
The pain of hope its father to be,
The comfort of disappointment its holy mother misery.

Do I have the same scales from which you hide?
Do my words threaten your very composure inside?
Am I the confusion that plagues your mind?
The one that makes you tremble and shun your kind?

Have I laid claim to the abyss in your eyes?
Do you lift those devil eyelids to cause me my demise?
Will we ever be together as one?
Or still bent into two by the pilgrimage we’ve done?
When I speak of us, will I be deemed a liar?
Or shall I continue like this and ridicule my desire?

[Cluster IV]

Grudge

Born into a world so sinful and vile,
No choice of my own but divine denial,
Taught the ways of society’s corrupted creed,
Molded to imperfection by each genetic deed.

Nurtured by love but fed upon guilt,
By the guardians of my body and the suppressors of my will,
Trying to keep what they hope is theirs,
Trying to own what I can only share,
Have they not seen the demon in me?
The confused rebel who longs to flee,
The penitentiary of words, emotions and bonds,
Breaking the lattice and trying to spawn.

Freedom at hand but imprisoned again,
By fears of isolation, suffering and pain,
Still I fight, weary and stoned,
For I may have been created but may never be owned.

[Cluster IV]

Human Parasite

Striking fear into the hearts of such,
Be it man, beast or the human’s touch,
Destruction brought but with a void,
Empty asylums, spiritual decoys.

The parasites of religion reigning supreme,
Wasting the world by the rights of their dreams,
Plundered resources exhausted and abused,
Death to mother earth by the wicked and confused.

Walking talking reproductive tools,
Lead by hormones, give birth to another fool,
Lying, deceiving, raping and unjust,
Existence revolving on their petty lust.

Then they talk of their kind’s progress,
Science it’s mother, invention the high priestess,
They only live to consume their lies,
What better to live for than their synthetic highs?

[Cluster IV]

Demon Grace

To bathe in your lies,
Is the destiny I seek,
The embrace to be yours,
And heresy be what I speak.

Confounded, confined, coveted ties we bear,
Through the imagery of reflections,
the fixated stare,
Fragments of the possible,
the impassive illusions we share,
Beckoning to the maiden’s calling
as you wander into the snare.

The desire to hope and the hope of reality,
Judas leads me through this maze of immortality,
When the rest rests unrested 
and the demon’s grace fulfilled,
She shines out through my eyes 
and holds my madness still.

This web of wants is where I wish to be,
Entangled in her and her rhapsody,
The shackles at my feet worn down thin,
By her smile and my senses,
Altogether a demoniac offering.

[Cluster IV]

Perch Of Despair

Within the hours lit by the oil,
Recollections fading into stoned gargoyles,
The vintage of our spirit stronger than before,
Experiences we’ve shared even up the score.

We were one even before we parted ways,
Still locked in this brotherhood, roaming life’s maze,
I conquer my anthill while you chisel at yours,
I’ve emerged from my plunge while you still drown in yours.

I was there yesterday, I know how you ache,
The clouds in your mind driving the stake,
Deep within your heart, corrupting your life,
Retreating to your tomb even in wretched daylight.

You think you’re safe behind the walls that you’ve built,
Tar affixiated soothing your guilt,
A taste of depression, a touch of salt,
Your wounds burst open and its always 'divine fault'.

Bear in mind that we share the same blood,
Different needles but the same drugs,
I know you’ll rise to the heights above me,
Leaving an acquired iron will to be your legacy.

[Cluster IV]

Urchin Scathe

You laugh at my scars and leave me to bleed,
The menace you’ve ingested conjures God’s trickery,
The ill-fated fool damned by his shadow in part,
Weak link in the chain, a flaw in his divine art.

No place for waivers, no place for wrath,
Lord of his hive, piper to four divergent paths,
Benefactor, furor, helmsmen and jester,
His is the word and my thorn that festers.

United in blood, the bond of epic lies,
Our surrender and advocate to the frailty of ailing ties,
The holy ones by birth, your sarcophagus of pride,
A mortal your pharaoh, his whisperings your stride.

You walk the rivets with the strings in his hands,
You squander your fortunes at his every command,
How high did you hope for when you walked in his lines?
How far did you fall when you were banished from his time?

The schema your own, but my point of view sublime,
Satisfaction to be yours but the discontent mine.

[Cluster IV]

Pilgrimage

Trapped within decades of endless grief,
Relentless nostalgia renders mourning incomplete,
Beings of tar, souls of clay,
Horror compounded within,
Always restrained and never astray.

The promised ones disillusioned,
By words of conceit,
Shattered by their blood,
They stand alone deceived.

In my hollow empathy,
Their solace was once sought,
Now i lay cast aside,
Drowning in my own thoughts,
How can a world be just?
When there exists no scale?
To measure the pain of the afflicted,
And the extent of their dismay.

Would i have been blood,
I would not have this retreat,
Chiseled into my chest and bound to my feet,
Its weight i can feel
Drawing me into an endless sleep,
Would i rather wander there
Or plunge into my abyss of insanity?
To these voices i pay no heed,
For my savior be a mother's womb,
For whom i now seek peace.

Stretch out your hand and pull me afar,
From this quicksand of turmoil,
Springing from my scars,
I don't want to leave yet,
And abandon you again,
But if i must,
Will you promise to hide from me your pain?
For no matter how strong i be within,
i still have no will,
To go on about my appointed ways,
And leave behind your suffering.

Pray for me while i prepare myself to sleep,
Bleed again oh bearer, one last time,
For yours is an existence
Destined to be complete.

[Cluster III]

What I Am

I am the world's disowned brainchild,
What need have i to be accepted?
I am society's fool,
Living on my own highs, oblivious to its rules.

I am society's outcast,
A rebel, an outlaw,
It isn't my fucked up mind,
But society's that contains the flaw.

[Cluster III]

Dismal Gloss

Phantom eyes define this state,
Intrigued by illusions and concepts of hate,
Come pry into my world and see the desolate insides,
Come closer to my vortex of deceit and denial,
I pray you see whatever it is i seek,
Slaughter my innocence or just share my peace,
Bathe me in blood or enslave me in clay,
Turn to stone watching my misery take shape,
Come frolic in my wretched Salem of sins,
Let the hourglass drain your very life from within,
Become what i have, a shadow to my kin,
Feel what i've felt, pray let the torment begin!

Whats the harm in assuming my thoughts or my place?
Be a jester to your lord, living amongst a condemned race,
Become a pawn in this counsel of death,
Drown your sorrows in hollow words at best,
Darken your eyes while you lay in wait,
Lurk in denial while accepting your fate,
You need only to live at fault,
To know your pain for which you've fought,
Constant dilemmas of this chaotic dismay,
Is it really worth it to live this way?

[Cluster III]

Embrace

Oh Lord, i ask off you,
As one of your creation,
As one of your servants,
To be merciful upon my brother's soul,
And to forgive his sins and bless his deeds,
To vanquish his wrongs and his distraction of heed,
That your servants are to pay as their praise of thee,
For their blessed lives and holy creation,
From the earth and back again.

I ask off you to give me strength,
To carry on in a life so barren,
To forget him not but neither to dwell,
In the memories we shared and their corrupted spell.

I ask of you to give me strength,
To fight for truth and defend my kin,
From the taunters at large,
Let loose on the world and shaped as sin.

So let evil be conquered,
And your justice be merciful,
Amen.

[Cluster III]

The Apocalypse within

The seclusion, the lies,
The panic i have been denied,
Nurtures my need to live in spite,
Coughing up hate for my fellow mortal flesh,
From a kaleidoscope of emotions, 
I choose yet another mess,
Living in a simmer with demons breaking free,
The surface cracking under pressure from those 
taunting screams.


Only in my mind does my misery take form,
Transparent to others who stand here unwarned,
The hour of fading of the humor in my eyes,
Shall release those foes and expose where my fury lies,
Condemn myself i not while fools condemn me,
What lies in wait are their weightless pleas,
So frolic now while i still be insane,
For when i regain my senses,
Shall start the hour of your pain.


[Cluster III]

Disbelief In Self

A twisted mind fostering hate,
Lashing at innocence, self proclaimed writer of fate,
Slave to my migraines, bursting with fear,
State of turmoil, confinement near,
Wretched gargoyles that only i see clear,
Disciples of Loki stealing my air.

Self contained, secluded and weak,
Agonizing mental chains just beyond reach,
Confused by words about what i seek,
Slaughtered by misconceptions,
Is this really me?

[Cluster III]

Beings Of Tar

Broke even into the cult of tar,
Corrupted insides and bleeding scars,
Finding solace in a vortex of smoke,
Vanishing resistance but breeding hope.

Sages speak ill of compulsion,
Hypocritical contempt for this malicious corruption,
Pay no heed to these lair's talk,
Its an unnecessary necessity for the path you walk.

God feeds my addiction with the plenty of this world,
While man guilt's me to starvation,
With his falsely divine words.

[Cluster III]

Liars Of My World

A silent shriek breaking smiles,
Contempt for order in a society so vile,
Psychotic chains bound to the mind,
Freedom corrupted by the superficial kind.

Theirs is a plague darker than black,
Laws in the lies, fiction in their facts,
Breeding on vanity, springing from fear,
Of what the other liars deem to declare.

[Cluster III]

Genocidal dementia

The illusions of time, fading within time itself,
Handed down by innocence in shades of contemporary guilt.
Surpassed emotions never quite suppressed,
Tortured beings trapped within vessels of a charm professed,
Consumed alive by the beasts as alien as the heavens.

Prose-writing, bullshitting, life-wasting misery extraordinaire,
Salacious raising of immaculate pincers,
Destroying peace with smile-edge scissors.

All the deeds of a sadistic grin,
Prodigy of a mentally vile polluting skin,
Self-distress within, contagious and grotesque,
Causing pluvial quarters and an apocalyptic mess.

Confused aphrodisiacs, Amish descent,
Selfish intentions for which they continuously repent,
Hours of softness, years of unrest,
Myself added to the scroll work, wonder who's up next?

[Cluster III]

The Pest Within

Companion of trust, slave to blood,
Glass jar humanity prone to be corrupt,
Swallowing my being within an unquenchable abyss,
Devouring my hate within a submissive gaze.

Aware of fear, pain and death,
Suicidal streaks, my vices of Seth,
Hollow insides with the chaos at hand,
Nexus power machine, lord of an alien homeland.

Destruction of its master by martyring itself,
No fault of its own, its all in my head.

[Cluster III]